No time for myself and yet lonely just the same

The beautiful and quaint town of New Bern, North Carolina

Do you ever have those times when you make decisions based on the knowledge that you can do something? I thought that I could teach five traditional seated classes and five online classes, on two different campuses, in cities 5 1/2 hours apart, using six different texts. I do not have a minute to do anything for myself.

Ever since my mom died in October of 1992, the fall weather affects me in strange ways - I feel like I need to make changes and seek renewal. It is an odd feeling, but one I do not often ignore. BUT, I have been pushing my desire to drag out my camera aside because I have too much reading and commenting to do. I have squashed the almost overwhelming desire to work on my non-fiction while stories and scenes swirl around in my head - I drift off in thought but cannot stop to write a single line.

I participate in the online classes, but then students say I have been gone? I check and see I was there just four days prior. I allow students to help build a course, and they complain there are no deadlines. I give them a straight lit assignment, and they do not understand the terminology. I cannot win regardless of what I do. I usually love teaching, love the students, and love their projects and writing. Today I want to do something else. I want to teach something else. Or maybe just not teach at all. Maybe it really is time for a change.