filling the gap

I met a guy; who I am I kidding. I have met many guys in the last three months, and well, I realized I am just over men. None of them had the "awe factor." You know, you meet him and can't take your eyes off of him, can't stop talking to him, can't make yourself move from his side. I know what you are going to say, "get your head out of the clouds; that's crazy talk." Maybe, but I am tired of being on all the time. I want to just be me without excessive smiling or laughing when it isn't funny and so forth. I don't have the pretend-I-am-interested-in-you-so-you-won't-feel-bad-mojo in me anymore. You would think these men would sense it, sense my disinterest, but someone once told me that men basically are thinking how to get in your pants, so they miss the "get to know you dance" pretty much in its entirety. Today, as I dedicated the day to being with my brother, his wife and my four year old nephew, I decided to quit men altogether. They are nothing but trouble really, and when given the chance, just f-up your life. I am walking away from the promise of romance and beauty and sharing and joy. I am walking away from the fairy tale that is love and throwing myself into anything else that I can find to fill the gap. Today, I am liberated from the opposite sex for good. Feels great to say it out loud, so to speak, in cyberspace for all to read. If you find that I ever waver in the future, send me a virtual slap so that I can get out fast.

**I just had the BEST run of the last 14 months! I rock! This season: one triathlon, one duathon, five bike races, and many days in the sun!

Getting good at starting over.