everyone needs help once in a while

My pastor said to me the other day that I had a very big heart. I guess I do. I am still human, though, and because I also often make decisions with that same heart, I falter at times. She said that God did not create us to be perfect and asked me if I understood what it meant to be a Christian. I told her that I felt it meant being able to put aside differences and continue to do God's work, no matter what.

I do not think it is a surprise that I started out as an LVN, then massage therapist and caregiver at a nursing home. Why did I leave those areas? I had too much empathy for my clients and patients.

There was one woman in particular, a woman whom everyone hated, but I adored. Her name was Mrs. Markum, and she lived in the nursing home she owned, but her son managed. He seldom came to see her and shut out his sister completely. So to Mrs. Markum, I became her daughter, Jane. I cared for Mrs. Markum for almost two years before she died. She told me stories of her growing up in an orchard near Fort Valley, Georgia. She talked of how she was a ballerina once upon a time, how she met her long deceased husband as a result of an auto accident. (She said women should not be allowed to drive automobiles.)

I loved that woman and so many others in that home. I was heartbroken when she died. I could not think of going through that loss with any other patients. I could not detach myself from knowing who these people were and caring.

I still can't, but I still want to help those who need it. Is that a flaw in my character? Is it a detriment to my well-being? My desire to help may bruise my heart a little at times, but in the long run, I know it is what God would want me to do, always. So on some days, I just have to wear the nurse's hat.