Mind over body?

I think this may be my next tattoo.

Skinny tires and wet pavement are not a match made in heaven. I have not had near enough saddle time the last couple of weeks, and I decided that no matter what, I was getting on Big Blue and riding, riding, riding. It did not go as I had planned. I hit the asphalt with a resounding Smack!


I limped to side of the road and gave myself a smarting pep talk. Get back on the bike, I told my body. It wasn't like I wanted to walk miles back to the house when I had perfectly good wheels to get me back in a fraction of the time. It was the idea that I would fall less than gracefully to meet the street once more.

***

I do not like to fail at anything. I rode my mountain bike on Maui with such confidence. I skidded off roads, tumbled down Haleakala, waded through floods on campus. I was not afraid of the ride. But these thin, somewhat fragile tires seem to symbolize my life at the moment; I don't seem to be quite in balance.

Plus, I hate my aero bars. I mean, when Ben was riding, and I wanted to ride with the big boys, it seemed the cool thing to do. It was riding a bike for goodness sake, who forgets how to do that? Well, there is riding a bike, and there is mastering the art of road racing. I won't say that I am failing, but I am definitely flailing. Again, a parallel to my life.

Nonetheless. I got back on that damned bike, settled in, and pushed on, but in my mind I was off balance, out of control. And that's when it hit me, I am out of control, or at least my life is still out of my control. When did I lose my ever so nicely planned grip on my life? Oh, yeah, I remember.

I coast back into my driveway, and I think about regaining my control. Do I want that back? I feel unsure of myself in some regards now, but I also feel a heightened sense of fulfillment. Instead of thinking of ways to close Pandora's Box, I got a massage, which made all the difference. When one's chin is aligned with the rest of her body, seeing the world's messiness seems less painful. Maybe it does not always have to be mind over body.