The Human Heart is a funny thing

I recently returned to Texas because my Aunt died. She was always like a mom to me, and I loved her dearly. She was a kind person to a fault sometimes. Her heart was extra big. With that being said, I inherited from her, if you can inherit a person, a nine year old boy named Zach. He is intelligent, caring, funny and a terrible singer. Zach is one of my Aunt's grandchildren who she adopted when her own son died. I knew I was his guardian, that I might one day take him and raise him, but knowing and doing are two very different things.

I cried the first two weeks here. I did not know what to do with him at all. He can be very difficult at times. He had little discipline and was used to getting his way all the time. I really felt like I was out of my comfort zone for sure. I got lots of encouragement from family and friends, but raising a child, one that you just suddenly get one day, is a very difficult task. There are so many things you have to consider. Everything in my life then became all about Zach. I felt like I was losing all sense of who I was.

Until I had to drive him to visit his uncle in Colorado on Friday.

I did not want him to go. For weeks I have been waiting for some time to myself, and here I was frantic about letting him go somewhere. A good friend said that my hesitance meant that I wanted him to stay and that I was going to make a good mother. That last part nearly knocked me over. I physically had to pull the car over because I started to cry. I was becoming a mother. Somewhere between the bad attitudes and tricks and pushing my buttons, this sweet child wiggled his way into my heart.

I am sitting here now wondering what he is doing because he has not called me in 8 hours. I know it sounds crazy, but I miss that little 9-yr-old-going-on-25 dude. I hate that we missed baseball practice on Saturday. I miss the games at night and the bedtime stories. The human heart is a funny thing.