Lady Fate or the Cosmos continues to conspire against me. As you know, I am guardian to a now 10 year old boy, who insists on continuing to behave in an inappropriate manner. I won't go into the specifics because I cannot seem to grasp his behavior, but suffice it to say that I am at my wick's end.
To make matters worse, someone I love deeply has stepped out of my life. You never fully comprehend how much a friend weighs in on your life until he is no longer there, supporting you, comforting you, and helping you iron out the wrinkles in your extremely all cotton life. I have spent the last weeks watching parts of me unravel while other parts seem to be re-connecting. I wish all those fragments of my fractured self would find some cohesion. Sadly, and I want no judgement from any of you, I have started smoking. I know what you will say, but I just have no other outlet. On the bright side, I am pretty sure my ailing lung will not allow too much of that bad habit.
The stress reminds me of grad school. I smoked for a short time then as well, more out of a social habit than addictive one. We all gathered outside Hibbs for a smoke and some great conversations. I guess I am a social person who craves connections and discourse and interaction, but all I have now is the naughty 10 year old who hates me. For about fourteen months I had the ear of a great man, my friend, and I should be happy for that time; I am happy for that time, but I miss his reassurances and yes, his jokes. When your mind cannot stretch to accommodate any more strife, a great friend is always essential, and I have lost my greatest friend. That's what makes me the saddest. Besides the slightly crazy 10 year old boy.
To make matters worse, someone I love deeply has stepped out of my life. You never fully comprehend how much a friend weighs in on your life until he is no longer there, supporting you, comforting you, and helping you iron out the wrinkles in your extremely all cotton life. I have spent the last weeks watching parts of me unravel while other parts seem to be re-connecting. I wish all those fragments of my fractured self would find some cohesion. Sadly, and I want no judgement from any of you, I have started smoking. I know what you will say, but I just have no other outlet. On the bright side, I am pretty sure my ailing lung will not allow too much of that bad habit.
The stress reminds me of grad school. I smoked for a short time then as well, more out of a social habit than addictive one. We all gathered outside Hibbs for a smoke and some great conversations. I guess I am a social person who craves connections and discourse and interaction, but all I have now is the naughty 10 year old who hates me. For about fourteen months I had the ear of a great man, my friend, and I should be happy for that time; I am happy for that time, but I miss his reassurances and yes, his jokes. When your mind cannot stretch to accommodate any more strife, a great friend is always essential, and I have lost my greatest friend. That's what makes me the saddest. Besides the slightly crazy 10 year old boy.
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