once

I was finally loved in a way I always hoped I would be. I have accepted that. No matter what is said to me, no matter what I hear, I know this to be so. He, my great love, shared secrets with me as I shared mine with him. The relationship was what I knew something real would be like. I am at peace knowing that a man loved me this much, was in love with me, trusted me implicitly. Today, while in church praying for those in the dark along I-35, I heard something in my heart. Your part was to be loved, to know what it feels like and to allow someone to love all of you. In return, I was a catalyst to the rebuilding of a marriage that had been neglected for too long.

The pain I felt has subsided. I am now focused on Zach and trying to keep him out of trouble. I am preparing for my meeting with the president of the college. I have stopped smoking. I am dealing with my life as I have always done in the past, but this time it is a little easier knowing that I am loved or was loved, once. It makes me the happiest I have ever been, even though he has stepped out of my life. I hold all we shared, all he taught me, all we learned together close to my heart and in my prayers.

Today was better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today. I find it easier to write about my past, to move on from fear; he gave me that kind of strength. I find myself clawing my way back to where I was a year ago. Again, I know he would want it that way, for me to be who I was when he met me. I owe my persistence to become more than even I thought I could be, which is saying something, to my great love. I wish him only happiness.