a difficult thing

Forgiveness of one's self. A difficult thing. My family throws guilt around like mud, so I am torturing myself about not feeling guilty about a mistake I made because I know morally it was, but love wise, I cannot ever think that. Therein lies my dilemma. It is in the past. I have moved on, but the forgiveness, so that I can move on, is elusive. I am at a spiritual impasse. My Pastor, who has been counseling me weekly, tells me I have to forgive myself with earnest. That means being okay with the non-guilt. When guilt has been my bread and butter for so long, it is difficult to feel a release without the acknowledgement. I guess I will work on it. What's in the past will stay in the pass no doubt, so maybe I will just tuck all the other baggage away, compartmentalize, and let it come out at a later date. I do that so well.