I wish I had a time capsule

Mud Run was fun although I had to skip a couple of the obstacles to get Zach where he needed to be on time. Being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I feel like I am failing miserably. Some days I look at him and wonder what I am doing, wonder how I am going to make it eight more minutes as opposed to eight more years, and even then he will need me.

Saturday was a busy day, one that has become a repeated event in my life. I do not know how I will continue once the fall semester starts, and I am once again a full-time professor. He had a meltdown on Saturday because he saw his best friend, who he can no longer see, and it made him so sad. I was preoccupied trying to find the fieldhouse, so I did not notice. It was like one of those heart-wrenching scenes from a movie where the child presses his face to the window of the car trying to get a glimpse of someone he once loved, jumps from the car and searches the crowd. I can do nothing to fix it. I caused this sadness with my actions, and I have to deal with his pain as well as mine, but his pain weighs on my heart more than my own.

I wish I had a time capsule so that I could travel back in time to when I first arrived and do things differently.