Energized

Rejoining the work force is awesome. I have one regular-Joe job and two teaching gigs. I am going to be busy busy. It feels great to be a professor again. I have been teaching online, which I will continue to do part-time, but getting back into the classroom really excites me. I am energized, reborn, emerging from the ashes like a Phoenix.

I practiced my self-hypnosis today to clear my mind of him. Finding that photo set me back yesterday, but today was filled with palm trees and the ocean. That's my focus when my mind drifts to musings of the heart. I struggle every day with loneliness, but I was accepting of being alone prior to arriving here, and I can return to that place again. There is no place for romantic love now. There is a new love for a son, one who drives me to the end at times, but the only other person I need to focus on now.

Although I allowed myself to want more, to want a life partner, someone to love and share my happiness with, I can now suppress that desire and move on to other things. When you are willing to open yourself up to only one other person; when you know you cannot be with that special someone, then you dedicate yourself to other aspects of your life, pushing out the need for that deeper connection - that love connection.

Maybe I was never meant to have it all. Maybe I was meant only to know it is possible. Maybe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.