I feel like I have been absent forever. Time just slips by, unnoticed, irrelevant. I cannot seem to find enough time to do all that I have planned or scheduled. I would stop planning altogether except then I would really never accomplish anything. My students are suffering I feel because I am overwhelmed.
Zach, well, Zach is now a full time project. What I mean is that his actions far exceed my expertise as a parent, which you all know is almost zero. He is becoming defiant and violent in some instances. I have been searching diligently, and without success, for a residential facility to accept Zach as resident. Either the cost or his level of offenses have kept him from being a viable candidate. I am now working with Family Services at CPS.
I struggle each day with the idea that I have somehow failed him. Failing is not an option in my world. Giving up is akin to dying slowly. So I mentally wrestle with my notion that I am abandoning Zach. I am so distraught that I can barely concentrate on the routine events in my life. It is like I am trying to live my life and at the same time unable to do so. I am all consumed by his misery, his constant struggle to be in control of everything. The level of stress I carry has started to deride my exterior. Normally I stand apart from emotions and conflict. Not because I want to necessarily, but because it is my nature. However right now I can hardly breathe - the weight of it all - crushes me.
Zach, well, Zach is now a full time project. What I mean is that his actions far exceed my expertise as a parent, which you all know is almost zero. He is becoming defiant and violent in some instances. I have been searching diligently, and without success, for a residential facility to accept Zach as resident. Either the cost or his level of offenses have kept him from being a viable candidate. I am now working with Family Services at CPS.
I struggle each day with the idea that I have somehow failed him. Failing is not an option in my world. Giving up is akin to dying slowly. So I mentally wrestle with my notion that I am abandoning Zach. I am so distraught that I can barely concentrate on the routine events in my life. It is like I am trying to live my life and at the same time unable to do so. I am all consumed by his misery, his constant struggle to be in control of everything. The level of stress I carry has started to deride my exterior. Normally I stand apart from emotions and conflict. Not because I want to necessarily, but because it is my nature. However right now I can hardly breathe - the weight of it all - crushes me.
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