I wonder if some people really listen to what comes out of their mouths? Recently, I have been a little too honest and hypercritical. Not because I want to be this way, but because I just get that way when I am stressed or uncomfortable with someone. In any case, it made me start thinking about male/female communication again. I studied communication between the sexes in school, and I teach a class in gender studies where we look at how men and women communicate, but lately, I have come to realize that no matter how much we know about the differences in communicating, the errors in what is actually communicated still occur, even when two people are really listening.
What could be done? Maybe just saying it directly. If a guy says, "Let's have sex. Oh, just kidding," is he kidding? Hell, no. He means it completely, but he does not want to come off like a jerk. It's a passive-aggressive request for a booty call. Why not just say it and mean it? Women like sex. A woman would much rather have it stated emphatically then wonder if there's something wrong with her. If I want sex from a man, I have learned to just say that or better yet, grab the guy by the hand and walk him to the bed. (I would just throw him on the floor or pull him to me on the kitchen counter, but I do not have either at the moment.) Regardless, just say it.
Women have their hang ups too. They want to talk things to death; yours truly included at times. Every single issue has to be dissected and rehashed until the man wants to poke his eye out with a knitting needle or any sharp object at hand. I feel bad when I say or do something I know has hurt a man I love. I want to apologize for it over and over because I need to make amends. The man has moved on, unfettered by the incident, taking what he wants and letting the rest go. Women torture themselves while men are oblivious to the suffering. Then women get mad at men for not being hurt or staying hurt or caring about the apology or even remembering the conversation to begin with. It is dizzying to think about.
What I love most is that because I already get all this, when I do it, or my guy does his thing, we stop, say we are being idiots, laugh a lot, make up, and move on to happiness-meets-butterfly-kisses-in-a-field-of-daisies-kind-of-love. I adore men, no matter what they say.
What could be done? Maybe just saying it directly. If a guy says, "Let's have sex. Oh, just kidding," is he kidding? Hell, no. He means it completely, but he does not want to come off like a jerk. It's a passive-aggressive request for a booty call. Why not just say it and mean it? Women like sex. A woman would much rather have it stated emphatically then wonder if there's something wrong with her. If I want sex from a man, I have learned to just say that or better yet, grab the guy by the hand and walk him to the bed. (I would just throw him on the floor or pull him to me on the kitchen counter, but I do not have either at the moment.) Regardless, just say it.
Women have their hang ups too. They want to talk things to death; yours truly included at times. Every single issue has to be dissected and rehashed until the man wants to poke his eye out with a knitting needle or any sharp object at hand. I feel bad when I say or do something I know has hurt a man I love. I want to apologize for it over and over because I need to make amends. The man has moved on, unfettered by the incident, taking what he wants and letting the rest go. Women torture themselves while men are oblivious to the suffering. Then women get mad at men for not being hurt or staying hurt or caring about the apology or even remembering the conversation to begin with. It is dizzying to think about.
What I love most is that because I already get all this, when I do it, or my guy does his thing, we stop, say we are being idiots, laugh a lot, make up, and move on to happiness-meets-butterfly-kisses-in-a-field-of-daisies-kind-of-love. I adore men, no matter what they say.
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